He Wants To Be Exclusive After 3 Dates (Normal?)

You’ve only been out with this new guy three times, but already he’s brought up the idea of you two being exclusive and only dating each other.

Part of you thinks it’s nice that he’s so interested in you. But another part wonders if this is moving too quickly.

Is it normal for a man to talk about becoming exclusive after just a few dates?

Or could this be a sign that he’s trying to rush things or might tend to be too controlling?

In this post, I’ll explain the good and bad sides of why he wants to be exclusive after 3 dates, and give you some tips to handle the situation.

Is 3 Dates Too Soon To Be Exclusive?

There’s no magic number for how many dates are “right” before becoming exclusive.

It really depends on the couple and how quickly you’re getting to know each other.

For some people, they are comfortable agreeing to only see each other a few weeks after meeting if they feel that strong connection and chemistry.

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Others prefer to take several months of dating before making that kind of commitment.

The right amount of time depends on each person’s preferences, values, past experiences, and general approach to dating.

A person’s age can also make a difference.

Someone older may be readier to settle down compared to someone in their early twenties.

Why He Wants To Be Exclusive After 3 Dates

Here are some of the reasons why he might want to be exclusive after three dates:

He Feels A Really Strong Connection

One reason he brought this up so soon is that he simply feels like your dates have gone extremely well and he’s developed really strong feelings for you already.

Some people do fall head over heels when they feel that special spark with someone.

His request for exclusivity may just mean he wants to focus fully on exploring that connection together without distractions.

He’s Not Looking To Play The Field

Another reason why he wants to be exclusive after 3 dates is because he’s not really interested in playing the field and dating around casually anymore.

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This could be the reason if he’s a bit older.

He is ready to settle down, and dating multiple people seems like a waste of time to him.

His request for exclusivity could mean he sees serious potential with you.

Don’t Want Distractions From Others

Some people want to keep things sexually exclusive even early on.

So his request may indicate he’s interested in taking that next step physically with you and wants to know you won’t be intimate with others at the same time.

It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s rushing towards a fully committed relationship.

Potential Red Flags

Sometimes, asking to be exclusive after three dates might be a red flag too:

It Could Be Manipulation

Bringing up a big commitment this early might be a bit manipulative.

Some people intentionally try to rush relationships along way too fast right from the start.

He might show lots of affection and talk about the future right away, creating a cloud of excitement that makes it hard to see things clearly.


Doing this stops you thinking about whether you truly know them well enough yet, or if rushing into something serious like that at hyper-speed is even what you want.

Possessive Or Controlling Tendencies

Talking about being exclusive after just 3 dates can be a red flag for possessive or controlling behavior.

He might become possessive or controlling once you’re in a relationship.

Three dates is such a short amount of time – there’s just no way you can fully understand someone’s core values and perspectives on major issues that quickly.

Plus, you haven’t had enough time to see how they deal with conflicts and arguments.

You Barely Know This Person Yet

The truth is, after just three dates, you barely even know this guy at all yet.

Sure, things might seem great now, but there could be major red flags or deal breaker behaviors that simply haven’t had the chance to reveal themselves yet.

You’ve only seen the tiniest little glimpse so far.

Rushing to make things exclusive means going all-in on someone before you’ve truly seen their full, authentic self.

His Priorities Don’t Align With Yours

He might have different priorities and life plans than you too.

Maybe you want to keep dating around, while he wants to commit quickly.

Even if he’s not being manipulative, having different approaches to dating and commitment can show that you’re not on the same page.

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This could lead to problems later on.

How To Handle The Situation

The most important thing is to communicate clearly.

Let them know that while you do enjoy them so far, you aren’t comfortable making that big of a commitment after just three dates.

Explain your reasons, whether it’s simply needing more time, or fundamentally disagreeing with rushing into sexual or romantic exclusivity that fast.

Don’t allow yourself to be pressured into making a decision you aren’t ready for.

If you’re not on the same page about the pace, that basic incompatibility is useful information about whether this relationship really works for both of you long-term.

Pay attention to how they respond if you say you aren’t ready for exclusivity yet too.

If they react in a hostile, disrespectful, or manipulative way, that’s a major red flag.

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