You went on a great first date with someone you were really excited about.
The conversation flowed naturally, there were plenty of laughs, and you could feel the chemistry.
As the night came to an end, you thought for sure they’d bring up getting together again soon.
But weirdly, even after exchanging numbers and texting a bit more after the date, they haven’t made any moves to set up a second date.
Yet the text conversations keep happening, with them randomly reaching out every day to ask how you’re doing or share some mundane details about their life.
Sounds familiar? You are not alone!
In this post, I’ll go over all the reasons why he asked no second date but still texting.
Why Does He Keep Texting But Not Asking Me Out?
There could honestly be a few different explanations for this hot-and-cold behavior.
Let me walk you through some of the most common reasons someone might keep idly texting you while avoiding actually making concrete plans to meet up again.
#1 He’s Keeping You as a Back-up Option
One real possibility is that he’s keeping you on the back burner while he explores other options.
In the online dating world, people often juggle multiple dates before deciding to get serious with anyone. It’s super common and a lot of people do it.
Maybe he enjoyed your date but is dragging things out to keep you around just in case his other prospects don’t pan out.
That way, he can circle back to you if nothing better comes along.
#2 He Enjoys the Attention / Validation
Maybe they’re just kind of self-absorbed and keeping you on the hook gives them an ego boost.
You know the type – they just loooove having people fight for their attention, even if they have no intention of actually following through with any of them long-term.
As long as you keep replying to their texts, it allows them to feel desired and wanted with barely any effort on their part.
It’s selfish for sure, but some people really do operate that way.
Also Read: Slow Texting After Second Date
#3 He’s Not Good at Rejecting People
Then there’s the possibility that he isn’t actually stringing you along intentionally.
Telling someone you’re not interested after a date can be awkward and unpleasant.
And no one likes delivering bad news.
Some people would rather avoid that confrontation at all costs.
So they just sort of…never stop texting, hoping you’ll eventually take the hint that they’re not making plans for a reason without them having to verbalize it.
#4 He’s Not Sure What He Wants
Or maybe they’re genuinely on the fence and aren’t sure whether they want to keep casually seeing you or let things fizzle out.
Don’t underestimate how indecisive people can be!
Maybe he’s still hung up on an ex, or the in-person chemistry wasn’t quite what he hoped for. Or perhaps he’s just out of a relationship and not ready for anything serious yet.
Also Read: Can You Date Your Second Cousin?
The texts could be their way of keeping you around while they take time to figure out what they want.
#5 He’s Waiting For You To Ask
It’s entirely possible he’s waiting for you to make the next move.
Maybe he thinks you should take the initiative for the second date. It’s not a hard-and-fast rule that the guy has to plan everything, some still expect it.
I know, I know, it’s pretty silly in this day and age.
But sadly, those old-fashioned attitudes about dating dynamics die hard for some.
Their ongoing texts could simply be a way to keep lines open while waiting for you to pick up what they’re putting down and make the ask for a second date yourself.
What To Do If He’s Texting After First Date But No Plans?
How should you actually handle a situation like this? Here are some options to consider:
Ask Him Out Again Directly
As much as it might feel like a bummer to have to be the one doing the asking, sometimes you’ve just got to rip off that Band-Aid.
Return one of their “hi” texts with something like:
“You know, I had a really great time on our first date and would love to get together again sometime soon if you’re up for it? There’s this new [restaurant/museum/whatever] I’ve been wanting to check out!”
Put it right out there and see how they respond.
If they embrace it and you’re able to hammer out date details, great!
If not…well, at least you’ll have your answer.
Also Read: Date Ideas For Someone On Crutches
Express Your Intentions Clearly
If being so direct doesn’t feel right, you could open up a more general discussion about what you’re looking for. Say something like:
“I’ve really enjoyed our conversations, but I don’t want us to just be texting buddies indefinitely. I’m interested in taking things further and spending more quality time together in person – is that something you’re also open to?”
Their response will give you a sense of whether you’re on the same page.
Decide if You Want to Keep Texting
If being direct doesn’t work and you aren’t getting clear signs they want to make plans, have an honest check-in with yourself.
Are these occasional text chats fulfilling enough that you’re okay keeping them going with no expectations of more?
Or will it just frustrate you knowing this person likely has no serious romantic intentions?
Only you can decide if maintaining that dynamic is worth it.
Move On
At the end of the day, if this person constantly shuts down or can’t reciprocate your efforts to take the next step, it may be time to move on.
I know it can be tough to walk away from someone you have feelings for.
But pursuing someone who isn’t meeting you with equal interest and effort will only lead to drained energy and hurt feelings.
Value yourself enough to not settle for sporadic bits of their time and attention.
Free yourself up to find someone who enthusiastically embraces getting to know you further.